P.S. I Follow Back!
me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
me driving: say your prayers
Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
Dad: *chokes into his drink*
ROL: You should respect your elders.
Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
ROL: *storms off*
Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.
i lied to all of you
im actually a 47 year old man making my grandson post for selfies
and im sorry
*sweats nervously* uhM my grandpa gave birth at 14 and my dad gave birthday at 18
Men can give birth?
*SWEATS REALLY NERVOUSLY*